Parents & Grown Children:
Close Ties Survive Disagreement

Most people believe that grown children are more likely to spend time with their parents if they feel emotionally close to them and share their opinions and views of the world. Actually, relationships between adult children and their parents are complex and consist of several independent dimensions according to recent research conducted at the University of Southern California's Andrus Gerontology Center. Elements of duty, love, tradition and beliefs about appropriate behavior combine to influence the relationship adult children have with their parents.

Researchers Robert Roberts and Vern Bengtson gathered data from 363 older parents whose average age was 67, and from 246 of their middle-aged children whose average age was 44. The participants were a representative sample of members of a California prepaid health plan.

The Researchers Asked Questions to Determine:

• Residential proximity of the two generations
• Generational differences in life experiences
• The extent to which grown children felt they should share activities with parents
• How often grown children and parents spend time together in various contexts such as family gatherings, recreation outside the home, religious activities, etc.
• The extent to which grown children provided help to parents
• Parents' evaluation of their own health
• Parents' feelings of affection toward their grown children
• The extent of parent-child agreement on conservative religious and political opinions.

Next, Roberts and Bengtson matched each parent's responses to the questions with a corresponding adult child's responses, resulting in 363 matched pairs. (Some adult children appear twice, once matched with mother and once with father.) Based on a comparison of the responses, the researchers propose a new way of looking at family solidarity.

The Results Suggest:

• Whether or not parents and their adult children agree or disagree about issues such as religion and politics is not related to other aspects of closeness between them. Apparently, grown children and their parents find such differences a relatively unimportant aspect of their relationship or they are willing to avoid the issues where differences of opinion exist in order to remain close.
• Adult children and parents who share strong beliefs that they should love, visit and help one another are more likely to do so.
• A balanced exchange of resources between parents and grown children creates positive feelings between the generations and leads to more interaction. Neither generation wants to feel like a burden on the other, nor does either want to feel they must buy the other's affection.

Scores of studies have found that grown children help their parents even when they find giving that help to be stressful and burdensome. Roberts and Bengtson's model of relationships between adult children and parents implies that traditional expectations within families are very important in accounting for this willingness to help. Furthermore, meeting expectations seems to be a major factor in maintaining close relationships between the generations. Strong family ties seem to carry responsibility balanced by the assurance that the feelings of affection each generation feels for the other do not depend on agreement on issues outside the family.

For More Information:

Roberts and Bengtson's research appeared in "The Journal of Gerontology," 1990 (Volume 45, No. 1).

Reprinted with permission from Parent Care, a publication of the University of Kansas Gerontology Center. For subscription information, please contact Parent Care, The University of Kansas Gerontology Center, Dole Human Development Center, Lawrence KS 66045.

Reviewer: Barbara W. Davis, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Agricultural and Extension Education, Adult Development and Aging Programming, Penn State University.

Penn State | College of Agricultural Sciences | Agriculture & Extension Education

Copyright Information
This publication is available in alternative media on request.
Penn State is committed to affirmative action, equal opportunity, and the diversity of its workforce.
This site was designed and developed by AgICT WebDevelopment.
Please e-mail us with your questions, comments or suggestions at .

Last modified Thursday, May 15, 2008 10:54